i havent posted anything in a while

the other day someone reminded me of someone that i've not thought about in a very long time
this person did mean alot to me even though i rarely admitted anything along those lines
having someone like them always there if you need them
i guess you just dont miss that till its gone
i dont know if its just because i am the person i am
but no matter how hard i try
i cant convince myself that this person was a dick to be honest
i know in my head that they probably are
but theres a part of me, like in every fucking situation
thats telling myself, it must have been me, i must have done something wrong
but what

because of them i lost someone else who at the time
even though they shouldnt have
meant the whole fucking world to me, which when i look back seems so stupid now
and i'm so angry at myself for even thinking so much of them
but this person
they filled the void that was left
they reminded me that i still had someone there
but now
for a reason i dont even know
i've lost them

walking home yesterday
i didnt have my ipod
so i thought i'd call someone to help pass the time
so i was looking at my phone and...i remembered them
cause normally whenever i used to come home from being out i'd ring them
i dont even know why i did it
but i set my number to private and rung them
it rang a few times and so i thought they'd probably changed their number or something so i was just about to put it down then,
"hello"

i put it down straight away, but a part of me wishes i hadnt =/
i know i've got to move on
like i always seem to have to do when i always lose someone important

but this time

there doesnt seem to be anyone to fill this new void =/