these last few days have been extremely fascinating and weird
not always in a good way

even though i was scared like fuck i was made to hold my new born baby second cousin on sunday
and it was fucking magical
i felt so happy
i dunno i just felt this connection
it was weird =/
i guess it was nice compared to other things that had happened and had angered me this weekend

anywho yesterday we had guests over for dinner
and especially when we were all younger
i was always close to all my boy cousins
and everytime one family had guests they'd invite like my whole dad's side which is like all my cousins and everything and it was great, i really miss that
so i dont get to see my cousins as much as i used to especially the boys
but 2 of my cousin brothers ( i call them cousin brothers cause even though they're my cousins they're pretty much just more brothers tbh. we are a close family of people. probably one thing i love about being indian is the love and respect in families including the extended family)
anywho it was just so good talking to them and seeing them cause nowadays i only see them now and again mostly i'll see them out somewhere with mates or they'll see me kind of thing
and we were just talking about how its leavers on wednesday
and one asked "what are you going in"
and i just pointed out the window at our cars and said how i couldnt really be bothered organising a nice car to go in etc
and he said "oh you should have just rang me i would have organised something for you and chauffered"
and then later on when the 2 of them were leaving cause they were off out somewhere he was putting his number into my phone and said "if you ever need anything, a lift, money, someone troubling you, absolutely anything just ring me"
i just found that so awesome
and made me so happy
like theres people looking out for me
i mean obviously theres my own brothers who i love to bits
but well ones in london and one i barely see so its just nice knowing i've got people there :)

i cant actually wait till this exam and leavers are over these next two days
cause then i can really concentrate on the summer and everything i want to do
i cant wait its gonna be good
i know it